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Bubble by ~wildestdreaming:iconwildestdreaming:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Free & Blank Verse


Glory, nailed against her
in the dusk
she is champagne
and froths my larynx
but but i can only
melt
into the bitter sweet
extravagance of her

listen,
the stars creak on their hinges,
an early morning pepper
as heavy as my eyelids
they fall and droop and drop
success

she is a curtain
and blocks my eyes
from light? dark too,
she pulses through
a slinky chocolate silk
she dodges heat

she is hiding behind my teeth.
An immigrant,
husky and intoxicated
she is a strong champagne
and I long to watch her
bubble.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:iconwildestdreaming:

Author's Comments

23rd Nov, 2006 ;; 10:27PM

Comments


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:iconoddlyaromatic:
*oddlyaromatic Dec 19, 2006, 9:42:32 PM
Like this a lot.

Except the word larynx.

Way too technical, without being specific enough, somehow. I'm thinking larynx; voice box? frothy voice box? how's that exactly? is that even what larynx really means? I thought I read different somewhere...

and I'm definitely out of your poem by that point.

I'd also wonder if you need the "a" in "she is a strong champagne." But a great last verse all the same.

Good stuff. Seriously.

--
Ice cream.
:iconwildestdreaming:
~wildestdreaming Dec 21, 2006, 1:11:24 AM
Thanks for the critique :]
I'm a little bit of a science nerd, I was kinda drunk when I wrote this, so I'm guessing the science nerd leaked out all over the poem.
:iconcreativeflair:
~CreativeFlair Dec 18, 2006, 4:18:02 AM
Oof! There's a mighty wallop to my already dropped jaw! That ending is so . . . and the start . . . and everything between . . . just, oof!

Well done on the UA feature =)
:iconwildestdreaming:
~wildestdreaming Dec 21, 2006, 1:14:37 AM
Fo' serious?! Thanks so much! ^_^ I'm thoroughly chuffed.
:iconbananaprincess:
`bananaprincess Dec 16, 2006, 1:33:53 PM
I love your images here. That opening line is so striking, and it follows through with lines like "she is champagne/and froths my larynx" and "the stars creak on their hinges". Good closing lines, too. Congrats on your UA feature. :)

--
Critiquing someone's prose or poetry is an awesome thing to do.
:star:The supremely awesome Mimesis 3 is available now!
:iconwildestdreaming:
~wildestdreaming Dec 21, 2006, 1:17:13 AM
Thank you! :D It's nice to recieve lovely comments like this when you're ill, made me feel a million times better! I'm glad you liked it :]

But- UA feature? Feel free to call me every variation of 'n00b' under the sun, but UA? Fill me in? I wasn't aware I was featured on anything O: But hey, if I got featured, who am I to complain? Lmao.
:icondrsalt:
~DrSalt Nov 30, 2006, 6:35:46 AM
Nice one, I gotta say, I'm not that interested in poetry, but colour me impressed, yo.
:iconwildestdreaming:
~wildestdreaming Nov 30, 2006, 9:14:10 AM
Thank you very much ^_^
That's made a previously crappy day very lovely! Frickin' dentist.. [grumbles]
:icondrsalt:
~DrSalt Nov 30, 2006, 10:31:25 AM
Dentists are just people who failed to become doctors.
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